I had some really great questions from clients about how to get more polite, less reactive greetings from their dogs when they have guests over. This is one of the most common problems I see and thankfully polite greetings are something any dog can learn.
Big concerns I hear from clients around this topic are:
How to stop jumping
How to get my dog to settle after guests arrive
How to get my dog to settle or listen if they are not treat motivated
How to get my reactive dog to not bark or act aggressively toward people when they come over
One of the first thing I think of when I hear about a dog who struggles with greeting guests is,
is the dog struggling from excitement or fear? or both?
This will determine what boundaries we need to have in place to keep everyone safe, and to set ourselves and our dog(s) up for success.
A side note on aggression, fear, and reactivity
If you have a dog who is showing signs of nervousness or fear, it is very likely this could escalate into aggression if not handled properly with professional training. If you have a dog who is already showing blatant signs of aggression then it is imperative to get professional help to protect your guests and your dog. One bite is all it takes to risk losing your dog. Unfortunately maintenance alone almost always fails! Handling fear and aggression requires professional help to be resolved. Getting that help will save you years of time, and avoid potentially dangerous or sometimes heart breaking situations. I promise I am not trying to rain on your parade, this is just often the reality of dealing with dogs who struggle with fear around people, and it's not something to take on alone.
That being said, for most dogs a great way to start working on greetings is to practice them whenever you come home. Practicing with people your dog sees everyday is going to be easier than greeting strangers or friends. You always want to teach your dog new skills in easy scenarios and work up to more difficult scenarios like greeting friends, or strangers.
Before you even start practicing greetings you will want a few basic skills on hand prior to starting:
You want to make sure your dog can stay behind a boundary like in a crate, or behind a gate without jumping or pawing on the boundary and that they can be calm here.
You want to build your dog's food drive.
For some dogs this wont be a problem, for other dogs who are "not food/treat" motivated you will need to build this up. When your dog is not taking food it's because they are over stimulated through excitement or often times fear. If your dog is not taking food in certain scenarios it is often a sign that you are over facing your dog, and need better basics. This means working on gaining connection with your dog in less stimulating situations, and building up your relationship there before you bring it into greetings.
You need a way to deter your dog from jumping during the interaction with guests, while also teaching them alternate behavior they can choose instead of jumping. This would look like teaching your dog that they can sit, stand, sniff, snuggle in, or lay down as options during a greeting instead of jumping. With the goal being to make these behaviors more attractive to your dog than jumping.
The other piece of this puzzle is that you are the one training your dog (and whoever else has taken responsibility), your guests are not your dog's trainers! Your guests can definitely help you and your dog by not adding excitement or staring down your dog during the greeting, but at the end of the day it's up to you to train your dog. I often see people approach this in reverse which is why I wanted to note it here.
Based on this, the first skill I would recommend teaching your dog as a general skill is to...
Calmly relax behind a gate, or in their crate. You can teach this by marking and rewarding your dog when they are in this space, and then move into marking and rewarding your dog for progressively calmer and calmer behavior.
You can also teach this as a "place" command and have them do this behind a boundary to start. Both involve the same skills, place would just be a verbal command you can add to ask your dog to do this on cue.
Once your dog has one or both of these skills on board you can practice them when you come home. Then practice when friends come over.
Do not allow your dog to go past the boundary or out of their crate to greet someone until they are completely calm. Once they are near your guest having a leash on them (already hooked on when they are behind boundary) you can stand on the leash to prevent them from jumping up on guests and reward any other behavior that isn't jumping.
Lastly practice, practice, practice!
If you're not seeing results you might need some extra help, and there's nothing wrong with that! I can often train a calm and polite greeting in just one session with clients and they often wonder why they waited so long to just get the extra help.
If you are interested in learning more about how to teach your dog to have calmer greetings please reach out and stay posted! I am looking to release a mini-course on this topic since it is such a common problem I see.
Valerie works with dogs of all breeds and temperaments and focuses on teaching dogs to want to make the choices that we want them to without causing conflict. For their sake as well as yours!
She believes in building deep trust and connection with the animals she works with and has found that this is always the final ingredient in a successful partnership. She offers private in home training, virtual lessons, online courses, and group classes over at VRCCE in Cape Elizabeth.
To find out more about Valerie you can visit her About page at
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